Slow...

Unless you care about recruiting for 2010 (and some people do), there's not much happening in college football right these days.

So... here's a little highlight video to enjoy:

Antitriskaidekaphobia

No, it's not the stuff that makes you sleepy on Thanksgiving- the post title has a different meaning for the week.

And so, it ends... not with a whimper, but with a bang. For the last week of our group, you couldn't have asked for more firepower. We had so much stuff blowing up, you'd think it was an episode of MacGruber. Let's start in Columbus.

Yup, the Buckeyes pounded the "JV Team in Funny Helmets", as Michael called them. I agree with Spielman- it's really a pity they had to go and screw up a great rivalry. By the time they play again, it will be over two thousand, one hundred days since Michigan has beaten Ohio State. If their program doesn't improve, I'm going to be a diabetic. Even though there was a new fella on the other sideline, there were some familiar sights:

2006
2007
2008

So much goodness in one game... Here's what I'll leave you with, as one of our videos of the weak:

Don't really feel like hurdling, huh big fella? Well, it could be worse. Final score: 42 to 7.

Although, that was only the halftime score for the Oklahoma and Texas Tech game. Sweet Odin's raven... that's a lot of points, and it wasn't the Mad Scientist who dialed them up. It was an impressive win, although I'm not sure what to do with it in the bigger picture (see below). Final score, 65 to 21

But that wasn't even the biggest point output of the week: West Texas A&M (remember them?) scored 68... and lost. Abilene Christian put 93 points on the board... three more than their basketball team did in a loss that evening. Let's see, if ACU scored 93 on the team that scored 75 on APU... carry the five... nope, not pretty.

Speaking of "not pretty"- the Crapple Cup. Wow. 0 and everything UWillingham against 1-everything WSU. I'd like to say that Ty pulled it off, but the fact of the matter is that his secondary gave up on him. I'll bet he's sad that he left Ntre Ame...

Or is he? The amazing Offensive Genius that is Charlie Weiss has been very public about calling the plays for the last couple of games. The result against Syracuse and their lame duck coach? Fail. At home. Let's be honest, Irish fans (both of you)- you are not elite. You were, then the University decided that academics are more important than football. That's a great thing. Really- it's the reason I chose the college football program and my alma mater. It's also the reason why Urban Meyer went to Florida instead of South Bend. But please stop telling us you're on the same level as U$C, Texas, Florida, Oklahoma, Ohio State. Compare yourself to Stanford, Duke, Northwestern, Vanderbilt. Heck, this year you can even compare yourself to MACh1gAAn. We'll even help you point and laugh.

In other news- it was great to watch football on Thursday- not only did Miami lose, but they did so to an option team. Purdue won the old oaken bucket, State Penn sealed their ticket to the BCS (two Big T1e1n championships in four years? Wow- I wonder what that's like), Arkansas dropped the ball again while their former coach beat the living stew out of LSU. Wonder if Arkansas' team parents are still happy about their sons' experience? Cal beat Stanford in "The Big Game", the Frogs beat Air Force (seriously unpatriotic, Doug), and Oregon State continued it's journey to Pasadena. Northwestern won the Battle for Illinois, Tennessee reminded Vandy who owns the state (or at least the swanky formal wear) while the Holy War went to the Utes.

Small schools- Hobart upped Lycoming in a snowy playoff game. Ah, snow. How I miss you.

Well, since Joe's not coaching in the post season, it only makes sense that he ends with a huge perfect week!!

The surprising thing is that Nate's suffering from the triskaidekaphobia, obviously. Why else would he have flaked the last week?? Dan and Nolan's Dad round out the top of the charts.

Carrie and Jake must be reading the same website for their previews, and Steve and Michael are also sharing notes.

That brings us to the end, and we have a consolidated title!!! Congrats to Franklin Dan, who finished 114th in the nation. Great work, making us all look good (or bad, as it were).
You'll notice a new column, which shows the points you got right against the total you were elligible for. The folks in green are compared as if they didn't miss a week- not much change overall, really. Steve-o and I tied, so the tiebreaker must be the picks (arbitrary? Nope, I won the picks):

We had a huge logjam at the 10 spot, especially if Paula doesn't miss a week. I guess the Bowls Contest will have to settle it.

House awards: Terry wins for Salem, Chuck wins for Duarte, and I'm going to give the nod to Jake for Malibu (since he won the points and you tied in picks). Since I have no idea who's Aaron and who's Amanda, I'll just point out that A Terpening did very well for themselves.

So, let's talk Bowl Chaos Syndrome, shall we? I still am hoping for a catastrophe where toOSU wins out, Mizzou beats OU, FSU beats Florida, and Florida beats Alabama. That would leave either a U$C and Texas championship (neither one winning their conference outright), or would send State Penn to the MNC game and tOSU to the Rose. As it is now, tOSU is on the outside of this thing.

And why is that? Well, because it's about money and every conference wants theirs. That's why the ACC and Big lEast get an automatic bid even though their champion may have 4 losses. It's also why the Pac-10 will more than likely be sending a 3 loss Oregon State team; this isn't about championships or "best teams", it's about revenue.

Very realistically, these folks will be playing on January 1 and then watching the big money games: Undefeated Boise State, undefeated Ball State, one loss Texas Tech, and two loss Ohio State (the two losses coming to BCS teams- again, they don't lose to people they are supposed to beat).

As for the Big 12 South- Wow. I still think that Texas' win head to head puts them a bit above OU because OU beating TTU needs a bit of perspective. First, they run variations of the same offense (for good reason), so it's not like OU needed a lot of extra preparation. Although, second, they got it with a week off. Third, it was in Norman. So, for now, head to head carries the day. If OU wins the Bedlam game, that might change. I do think, though, that if Missouri would do the honorable thing and back out of the Championship Game that OU would beat Texas at this point. But remember, anyone on any day- makes "champion" a little less significant, huh?

What game do I want to see? Florida and Oklahoma. And, as much as I hate to say it, I think Florida wins their second championship in three seasons. They have the athletes to play man to man coverage, and the defensive front to get pressure. I also think that their offense is quirky enough to create problems for Oklahoma's preparation, and I'm think Bob's record in BCS games as of late may also mean something.

Remember, once this all shakes out, we'll look at the teams as if there was a "Chuck Style" playoff.

Before that, though, there are two weeks of great games: Nebraska/Colorado, the Iron Bowl (Beat SABAN!), U$C and Ntre Ame, Texas and the Ghost of aTm, The Egg Bowl in Mississippi, Georgia and GaTech, FSU and UF, TBPU hositing the Sooners, Texas Tech and Baylor, Carolina and Duke, Kentucky and Tennessee, Spurrier and Clemson in the "Biggest Dissappointment Bowl", KU and MU's Border war, toOSU and UO's Civil War... and that's just this week.

Next up, U$C and Slick Rick's Bruins, Army and Navy, the Big 12 and SEC Championships... All great reasons to not go shopping and stay at home eating leftover turkey (if anyone has leftovers next weekend, don't eat them. Seriously, just let it go)

But, if it's Turkey Day that means our small school game is the Frisco Bell matchup between Kirkwood and Webster's Grove in the suburban St. Louis area. In this, the 101st meeting, sees the WG Statesmen coming in after a 5-4 season that closed with two losses. Kirkwood's Pioneers enter at 6-5, after a loss in the second round of the playoffs. Here's information from the centennial meeting, including an article in the New York Times.

We'll be back in a couple of weeks with the Bowls Challenge.

Gobble gobble.

One more day

Well, we'll let Chuck Noland give you today's update:

I was talking today with a friend from Southern California who was excited that he was going to "The Big Game" between Stanford and Cal. He kept talking on and on about the great this game was, and how important the rivalry was. After listening politely for the requisite 15 seconds, I asked him to put a cork in it.

Being an educator, I had to illuminate him on a couple of facts. First, one huge, memorable play does not a rivalry make. Second, nothing could be a "rivalry" that doesn't sell out (especially in California, where the weather forecast doesn't include now).

Given what week it was, he knew that I was building toward a rant about THE Game, so he cut me off. "What makes Ohio and Michigan so great?" he asked snarkily.

After calmly explaining the difference between Ohio and THE Ohio State University, I pointed out four things that would answer his question:

1. No other "rivalry" includes militias from both sides being engaged to settle a dispute. In the case of Ohio State and Michigan, there was the Toledo War of 1835. Other teams have individual fans who get into fights, we've got a game that reflects the fight that's been brewing for decades.
   
2. Coaches take the game seriously. Case in point, during the Ten Years War, we have this piece of history-

   One night on a recruiting trip in the state of Michigan, an assistant noticed that the car he was driving was going to run out of gas. He let Woody, who was dozing in the passenger seat, that he had to pull over for gas. Woody refused, and the assistant drove on. The assistant, who saw the weather was starting to get bad, began to become worried about getting stuck in the middle of nowhere, and once again stressed his desire to pull over and get gas. Woody erupted: "No, g*dd*mmit! We do NOT pull in and fill up. And I'll tell you exactly why we don't. It's because I don't buy one g*dd*m drop of gas in the state of Michigan! We'll coast and PUSH this g*dd*mn car to the Ohio line before I give this state a nickel of my money!" The assistant knew he wasn't kidding, and they barely made it across the border and sputtered into the first gas station they found in Ohio."

3. Tradition, even the stupid ones:
   
4. Finally, this quote- "There are countless "rivalries" in college football. "Battle for the Old Oaken Bucket." "Battle for the Apple Cup." "Battle for the Golden Pineapple." "Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party." "Red River Rivalry." The Game has no name. The Game is above trophies and designations. In the minds of many, there is nothing else other than The Game. There is one game, and that's The Game. Everything else is just pre-season to many. This game is THE Game."

Dang skippy. And now back to memory lane. First, from Judgment Day, 2006's #1 vs #2. Then last year's rainy "goodbye" party for Chad Henne and Mike Hart.

2006


2007

I! O!

OK, No More Kidding Around

It's Thursday. MACh1gAAn? Still inhaling vociferously.

No more Mr. Jokey Joke maker- it's almost game time.

Today and tomorrow, we'll be revisiting the past four games of the series.

Why only the last four? 1) They have highlights on YouTube, 2) Ohio State won all four, 3) Because we couldn't go for three.

First up: 2004 (Troy and Teddy show) and 2005 ("The Catch")

2004

2005

(actually, my favorite part is Antoine running over that scUM DB on the way to the winning score)

True story: We watched this in a Buckeye Bar in Santa Monica, and when Gonzo made the catch the woman next to us was so excited that she broke a rocks glass in her hand.

O! H!

Wednesday, 9:15 AM

and MACh1gAAn still no es bueno. (I'm trying to be careful about what I teach my daughter. Unlike some people.)

Your Michigan joke of the day:

After the 2008 season, the University of Michigan has decided to change their mascot to the "Opossums".

Which only makes sense, since they play dead at home and get killed on the road...

Bonus joke from the usually unfunny Jim Davis:

(I'll admit that I used to be a Garfield fan, then I turned 12. For better comedy, check this out)

It's Tuesday

And MACh1gAAn still sucks. Your joke of the day:

What do you get when you cross a Wolverine with a Groundhog?
Six more weeks of crappy football.

And now, the "Like rats off of a sinking ship" link: Michigan players leaving team

Cheaper by the Dozen

It's Monday, and MACh1gAAn still sucks.

In the midst of the "sleeper week" (where everyone was sleeping because there wasn't a marquee game) there were some things going on of note.

• Let's get it over with and start in Champaign/Urbana, where tOSU sought to bounce back from what I call the "airline worse case scenario" (I was stuck on Delta watching last year's upset as we traveled to Ethiopia- nowhere for me to pace around). And, sure enough, Tressel-ball was sufficient to stop the Zooks. Which brings us to our first video of the week: a lesson in physics

Look, there's no way a 240 pound guy should be able to do that. The best part of the video? Check out who's busting his keister to get out and lead block. Yup, #2, the freshman QB. Even though it's not the first time it's happened, when you realize that he started 10 yards behind Wells you've got to be impressed.

• Nebraska showed why they are still relevant, owning Kansas State in Manhattan.
• TSUN dropped a home game to Northwestern, who was missing their starting QB and RB. Awesome.
• Navy made two (!) onside kicks happen, as Ntre Ame almost collapsed against them for the second straight year.
• Auburn put a scare in the pre-season SEC champ.
• LSU needed a collapse of Biblical proportions by Troy to stave off the upset.
• Minnesota also failed to finish, and allowed the Axe to remain in Wisconsin.
• In the Big 12, Baylor beat A&M. You read that correctly.
• Texas reminded Kansas that they are, indeed, Kansas, in a game that brought our first runner up for catch of the week:

• Also in the Big 12, TBPU had to put up with some serious shenanigans as they overcame Colorado. At least they responded appropriately... if your definition of "appropriate" includes theft.
• In the "It couldn't happen to a nicer guy" category- Steve Spurrier got pounded by 50 points by the team he used to coach and run the score up on people with.
• Oregon brought out yet another uniform monstrosity in their win over Arizona. At least they had cute ducky wings.
• Slick Rick returned to Seattle. Nothing good can come of this sentence.
  
• toOSU continued to win and push it's way toward a Rose Bowl (more later).
• U$C didn't choke against Stanford this year (having already done that against the Beavers), but also didn't cover the spread. For what it's worth.
• Vandy is finally bowl illegible after beating Kentucky. Of course, all you need to do is win 50% of your games to be bowling, so there's really not that much to get excited about.
• Small Schools: The "Strawn Jinx" in in full effect. My comments about Manchester never winning the Bronze Ball inspired them to finally upset the Anderson Ravens, who end the year at .500.
• #2 Wabash also fell in the Monon Bell game, losing at home to DePauw.
  

And now, for the catch of the week. It's the second play in this highlight, and may also qualify for the hit of the week:

And now, the scores for our grouping:

What's amazing about that is that Carrie spent 5 minutes setting up her picks. Nate gets the award for "most from the least", finishing last in picks and middle of the pack in the points.
Cat's "moving lag" finally catches up with her,and she drops to the bottom of the week's standings.

Mystery solved: I've written before about how my scoresheet looks differently than what I entered. This week I figured it out. Typically, I do my picks twice- once on Tuesday (just by my initial gut feeling) and once again on Friday. Usually, there's no change- but when I have made changes they haven't registered for some reason.
This week, it cost me: for picks, I changed to choose Michigan and Boston College (after FSU suspended 5 players), so that ended up being a wash. However, the four games I lost were all changed on Friday to lower points, so this "glitch" meant that I dropped about 15 points more than I should have.

Ah well- we've said all along that we'll trust the machine, so I'm stuck. Moral? Either spend 5 minutes like Carrie or only do it on Fridays.

Not that it would have mattered, Dan seems to be running away with this thing:

(And by "Dan", I don't mean "Nolan's Dad").

This is especially true in the points race, where he's built a 19 point lead as the season comes to a close:
This week, things will shake out a little more in the BC$ when the Red Raiders travel to Norman. However, because I'm snarky, here's something that might be interesting to see:

• OU beats the Red Raiders and win the Big 12 South
• Florida State upsets Florida
• Missouri upsets OU in the Big 12 Championship Game
• Florida beats Alabama in the SEC Championship Game
• Penn State loses to MSU (more on this later)
• Oregon State wins out against Arizona and Oregon

Which means that, more than likely, we'll have a Texas and U$C National Championship Game. While a great matchup, neither of these teams will have won their conference.

You know what we need? A playoff. You know who agrees with me? The President elect.

Eight team playoff, shorter regular season... wow, that sounds really familiar somehow.

The problem with this plan- Even the President doesn't have enough weight to throw around. The current BCS coordinator responded to this by saying

For now, our constituencies -- and I know he understands constituencies -- have settled on the current BCS system, which the majority believe is the best system yet to determine a national champion while also maintaining the college football regular season as the best and most meaningful in sports.

Yeah. We understand constituencies. And given that ABC/ESPN is about to sign a deal to run the BC$ through 2015, we've got no hope of seeing change anytime soon.

What am I hoping for? Well, for tOSU to get a BC$ bowl bid this year, the easiest thing would be for either toOSU or Penn State to lose. And, I don't see either happening. If Penn State wins, they get the Rose Bowl (barring some other issue that would put them into the Championship Game), and Ohio State would be left hoping that an "at large" bid opens up (not likely, with Boise State and Utah going undefeated and toOSU winning out). But, if State Penn chokes against the Spartans, I may finally get to see the Buckeyes in Pasadena. Fingers crossed.

So, what does this week hold? Vandy gets a shot of finally beating the Vols, Arkansas faces the legion of Croom, Pittsburgh and Cinci play for the Big lEast championship, The Chicago War has the Zooks and the Wildcats in Evanston, and the "CRAP-ple Cup" sees winless Washington at one win Washington State. And yes, it will be televised. U$C is on their third bye of the season. Seriously.

Of course, the big games will be State Penn and MSU, as well as the Sooners and the Leaches. Oh, and it's the week for "The Game". Here's your joke of the day:

This years' Ohio State/Michigan game has been canceled.
Michigan began driving to Columbus to play, but couldn't get past Toledo.

Small schools highlight the first round of the NCAA Division 3 playoffs, where Lycoming will travel to Hobart. Well, actually, they will travel to Hobart and William Smith, since the schools were initally two seperate institutions, one for men and one for women. Collectively known as the "Colleges of Seneca", these colleges are located in Geneva New York. Lycoming's Warriors love numbers and colors, and famous alumni have bombed in a big way.

Never too early

MACh1gAAn sucks.

That is all.